...I sought counseling with a psychologist for about a year and a half. I was having a good time and was generally happy during this time but was unhappy because of the way I treated others, mostly girl friends and my relationship with my parents. I was, however, also tempting fate in what could be described as pretty destructive ways. I started on a very gradual road of change. I graduated deans list, started really working in my field of art, changed the way "I" treated my parents, my attitudes, taking life so serious, and just about most of who I was and who I was to become over the course of many, many years. It wasn't something that happened dramatically all at once. But it was something, that in hindsight, had it's beginnings with the accident, mainly because there weren't a whole lot of changes that happened before that. Some of these changes didn't even start till decades after the accident. I used to question life and was very introspective about life. Since that time I know that it's much more important to live it and love it, to accept life and people as is. My life as well as every one's is almost mystical in it's uniqueness. It's why I count as friends, a real myriad of people. Kookies, zanies, straight-laced, left-wing, right-wing, losers, winners, and everybody in between. It's their uniqueness, their disparity with me, that is what gives life it's exuberance as well as it's balance. That the flaws are as beautiful as perfect, and in some ways, the suffering as well. I always thought that when you died, there was nothing else. Being a kid, death scared the beejezus out of me and produced some very vivid dreams. Dreams that would wake me from a deep sleep. These dreams continued all through freshman, and sophomore year at college, but since the accident I have never had one of those dreams. And more importantly I have absolutely no fear of death. That's not to say that I welcome the prospect. Believe me, I ain't in no hurry. I just have a very centered feeling of peace, and this deep seated feeling that everything, even death, will be all right."
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